I’m a big, BIG fan of Portal. I have an Aperture tattoo (yep, I’m one of THOSE guys). The Code seems, to me, to be quite Portal-esque.
In just under 5 hours, it took myself and two others a lot of brain molestation to get through. It’s a beautifully designed puzzle game, and I still can’t wrap my head around some of the mechanics it uses. That being said, I haven’t played Minecraft in over a year, and a lot has changed since then.
One of the greatest ideas in this map, teleportation to create an infinite staircase until you figure out what to do, gave birth to a second puzzle map: The Code 2. Much shorter, and in my opinion a lot easier, this map is as beautifully made as the first.
I highly recommend both, and if you know of any more that are on par with these, let me know.
Just don’t, it’s fucking awful in every way.
With that out of the way, I want to talk about Elysium. I, for one, like Matt Damon. I also love human-civilisations-in-space type movies, so needless to say, I liked Elysium.
I was really hoping that, when the kid with cancer got into the healing machine, the machine said "sorry, we still don’t have a cure for cancer" and the movie ended there. I think that would have been pretty perfect. The movie really is beautifully made. All the scenery on this exo-habitat is simply beautiful.
Of course, there are a few problems. For example, ribbon cables. Today, ribbon cables are rarely seen in computers on a count of them being incredible shit. There’s a part in the film where Matt Damon transfers data from a brain to his brain… using a ribbon cable… Elysium is set in 2154. I don’t see ribbon cables making a comeback in the next 150 years. I also don’t see ribbon cables surviving 150 years, seeing as they’re hard enough to find today.
Another problem. The atmosphere of Elysium. For Elysium to have an artificial gravity, the entire structure would have to be reversed. Just sayin’.
I was happy that they addressed the problem of Matt’s organs liquefying and falling out his ass due to exposure to radiation, but was sad that it didn’t actually happen. That would have been hilarious.
You’re bald. You’re badass. What’s not to like?
I loved it. It’s such a beautifully made game. The countless amount of ways in which you can eliminate a target is fascinating. Run in guns blazing, and massacre everyone, or be a stealthy little bastard and complete your contract unseen. I took the latter route, but got so annoyed at certain missions that I just had to take out everyone, which brought me an alarmingly great deal of satisfaction.
The story was decent enough, and took me a little under 15 hours to complete (on a count of the amount of restarts I had to do trying to complete a contract as a "silent assassian"). On top of the story, there’s the "contracts" mode in which players submit their own contracts for Hitmen around the world to take part in. I love it, but I somewhat wish it were a bit more like Assassian’s Creed, where you are assigned another player as a target, whilst someone is hunting you. On top of this, Contracts mode somewhat damages the possibility of a sequel in my mind, and I definitely want to see a sequel.
Hide the bodies.
I’m a crime guy. I love CSI-esque shows. Like all human beings, I seek the answers to mysteries. Needless to say, L.A Noire is the game for me.
Now, I have played it before now. This was my second playthrough. Thankfully enough, I’m incredibly forgetful, so most of the game was as new to me as lights are for the Amish (seriously though, I really am that forgetful). I loved it, of course. What’s not to like? Well… ok, the motion capture is a bit off, but come on, it’s set in 1940’s America. 1940’s America is the best America. All the Jazz idols like Billie Holiday were popular back then.
Racism was rampant (ok, that’s probably not a good thing). Howard Hughes was alive and "well". It’s clearly the greatest era of all time.
There really isn’t much about this game I want to discuss other than the ending. How hurt was your scrotum after that hefty kicking they recieved? Seriously. Phelps’ death is perfectly acceptable, and a great sacrifice, but that funeral is unforgivable. I really want to hunt down Roy Earle and destroy him (of course, after the ending I booted up a case from the Ad. Vice desk and proceeded to run him down with my car over and over). Also, where the fuck was my wife? I might be wrong, but I didn’t see her at that funeral? Ungreatful cow. On top of that, why is she only shown once in game, not including the opening sequence that is. Phelps talks about his wife and kids an awful lot during the car rides, but the player gets no interaction with them other than one cutscene.
All hail the Spruce Goose.
Deep Impact, not a porno, was directed by Mimi Leder in 1998. Other than this, she hasn’t really produced or directed anything impressive since (which implies Deep Impact was impressive).
I don’t know the general consensus for this film is, and I don’t particularly give a fuck about it. Either way, I liked the film. It was decent and, apart from Elijah Wood’s incredibly smushed face, it was enjoyable.
I was delighted that a number of protagonists died. No, really. What’s the point in having a predictable, happily-ever-after story where all is well and good? Fuck that. Fiction needs more stories where protagonists die (not on the same scale as George R.R. Martin, but let’s be honest; the Harry Potter saga would have been better if Harry, Ron or Hermione had died). I was, however, a little saddened that Elijah Wood didn’t die. That would have been pretty good.
Now, let’s get down to business. The tsunami. It took down every skyscraper in Ney York City. It took down the Empire State building, the World Trade Centre, the Statue of Liberty. Can someone please eplain to me how the White House was left partially standing, when absolutely everything else was completely leveled?
I know it’s the President’s house and all, but come on. It’s not THAT strong. Now, maybe you’re thinking "it was destroyed, but it was the first thing to be rebuilt". If that’s the case, why the fuck not build housing for the millions of people left homeless, instead of building a PR building? The world has pretty much ended. Public relations are no longer important.
Either way, it was pretty good.
I’ll give it 3 muffs out of 5 and my own personal "hooray!"
I’ve written a lot of articles in my time, only to become sickened by the disgrace it inevitably becomes. I look back at some blogs I have written, and think to myself "fuck me, I really needed a slap back then". The cringe factor rises high above any One Directionsong. I thought it best to begin anew, with a topic in mind this time; gaming and movies.
I recently built my own PC. It’s beautiful, if I may say so myself, and fits my every need. It can run all my games at their highest quality. My build coincided with the annual Steam Summer Sale. Needless to say, I could barely afford a PC after buying 50+ games. That being said, I myself could never fund such a project alone. Thanks goes to the Irish Government for giving me this money to
( go to college) build a PC.
As well as gaming, I’ll review the films I have on my watchlist. I’m a virgin to some of these films, and others are just films I’ve wanted to watch a second or four-hundreth time.
I have a horrendously bad memory. Anyone who knows me can vouch for that. In order to help me remember all these games, I’m going to review each and every one as I play them. All reviews will be written in my own awful opinion.
First up, later this week; L.A. Noire and Deep Impact(not a porno)